Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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