what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
