I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
