I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
