There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize