If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
