hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
