I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
