For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
