I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
