so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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