really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
