So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
