i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
