i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
