I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we're making bets on your personal life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
