I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
