worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
