so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
