I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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