im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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