Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
