I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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