i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
