we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
