"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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