dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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