is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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