he puts the penis in happiness.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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