This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
