Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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