my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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