and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
