Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
