What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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