Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
