you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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