I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize