The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
