Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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