Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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