there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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