You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think people are normalizing furries
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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