Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
