Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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