I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
