And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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