If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i think my cat just said my name.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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