I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
