It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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