If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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