DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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