Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he wants to bone in the snuggie
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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