Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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