i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
