I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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