toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
