All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
there is glitter all over my balls
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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