The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
