I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
