The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
