So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
