I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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