At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
