So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
