I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
