Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
