Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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