As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
