I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
