I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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