My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I supernannyed him into submission
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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