Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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