I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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