If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize