Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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