ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
