porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
