I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
