i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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