Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
