i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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