Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
