its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
