Soap is not a condiment
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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