Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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