are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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