so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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