yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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