She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
